I killed myself twice

The first time I killed myself was to annoy my mistress. This virtuous creature refused suddenly to sleep with me, overcome, she said, by remorse for betraying her number-one lover. I am not quite sure I loved her; I suspect that a fortnight’s absence would have singularly lessened the need I had of her; her refusal exasperated me. How to punish her? Did I say she retained a deep and lasting tenderness for me? I killed myself to annoy my mistress. I was forgiven this suicide in consideration of my extreme youth at the time of this adventure. The second time I killed myself was from laziness. Poor and having a premature horror of every kind of work, I killed myself one day, without conviction, as I had lived. They do not blame me for this death when they see how well I look today.

Jacques Rigaut,  1920


3 responses to “I killed myself twice

  1. We graduate to adults when our first love leave us. In the plenity of youth, suddenly come the bitter taste of the death.

    Excellent blog Jeni. I wil back very often. 🙂


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