The first time I killed myself was to annoy my mistress. This virtuous creature refused suddenly to sleep with me, overcome, she said, by remorse for betraying her number-one lover. I am not quite sure I loved her; I suspect that a fortnight’s absence would have singularly lessened the need I had of her; her refusal exasperated me. How to punish her? Did I say she retained a deep and lasting tenderness for me? I killed myself to annoy my mistress. I was forgiven this suicide in consideration of my extreme youth at the time of this adventure. The second time I killed myself was from laziness. Poor and having a premature horror of every kind of work, I killed myself one day, without conviction, as I had lived. They do not blame me for this death when they see how well I look today.
Jacques Rigaut, 1920